Lesson Time

It’s amazing what one can learn from someone who doesn’t even know they’re teaching it. This proves that no matter how you think you are just ploughing through your day, being yourself, that someone, somewhere is watching and learning and adopting things from your actions.

This is the case with the person I never presumed I would never learn a thing from; Sporty Spicey.

She knows nothing but us being Poly. To her, this is our normal. She’s never been in a Poly relationship before (she’s 23, I doubt she’s had too many serious relationships of any kind!) 

She came in to our relationship fully knowing what we were all about. So, to her, this is our normal. And with it being her normal, it has taught me that this is our normal. She has no secrets, she has no hidden agenda, she just accepts that this is the way that it is.

From her, whilst this is what I’ve always thought, it’s taken this relationship between her and The Man to empower me to accept this and learn, and now positively know that this is the way, and this is normal. 

I probably will never tell her of the healing, enlightenment, lessons and help that her naive way has educated and confirmed my life decision, but I know that deep down no matter where this path leads that I will be eternally grateful for the open, calm and respectful approach she has had into this crazy world of our normal 🙂

Thanks Sporty Spice x

 

Weekend!

The Man has gone away for 2 nights with Sporty Spice.

Apart from a few tears, which I was totally gutted leaked out, it was easier, I was braver, and I felt a whole load more positive about his departure. Unsure if it as it’s a Friday and I still have work to concentrate on, before packing the kids and I up for 4 days away at a Hot Pools, or if it is actually time to accept that I have changed and yes…this IS easier, and this IS the way forward with an open heart 🙂

Told him to say hi to Sporty Spice, I even brought her some really nice Green Tea for him to take to her as she hasn’t tried the type that I like before.

yay….bring on the weekend!!!

Date Night Version 2.0

Off on another date. The IT Guy.

Having huge self doubts on myself; in the sense that I wind myself up so much when I do this, that I question why I am. Maybe I am just a better person for going through life open, without forcing the issue of meeting others, but allowing it to do organically through ‘real life’ activities. I hate this Tinder catalogue shopping method, but really don’t know how else to meet others, as everyone in my community know The Man.

The IT Guy has been very vanilla. No innuendo, no double meanings in any messages. And very cutely, he has asked me for a pizza as he has a voucher (a voucher?!) He lives locally and has made me laugh via text so it is all looking good.

So, hopefully this is the new and improved dating man, nothing can be worse than Dr. God last week ;-(

C*nt Dracula

Yep. Welcome back to stabby hour. Stabby Day. Stabby Week. Yes, you guessed it folks, it’s PMT week, or for me, PMDD week.

Yesterday I was on top of the world. I felt as though I could tackle anything.

Today, from the moment I woke up everything and everyone seemed set out to annoy me. They all went slow, everyone was difficult, explaining anything to anyone was a challenge. Then, true to form, my wheels fell off around about the same time as allllll my toys got thrown at high speed from my proverbial cot. It had begun. The rush of crazy to my head had conquered all.

The Man flipped out back. Understandably. Here I was, from being the happiest ever to this crying, shouting, feeling hard done by, mess. Of course I was feeling confused. Of course I was feeling alone.

Then as quick as I had entered the black zone I was back. The real me. The open me. The loving me.

And in hindsight, I felt empowered. Previously, my Monthly Meltdown had been all about other women, about our lifestyle, aboit being Poly, about how hard it is to cope. But none of this entered my head this time. None of it was a trigger for me to begin the self harm that I do.

So that was all a little shocking for me. For the first time since Christmas, I couldn’t blame our lifestyle for my feelings. The only thing I could blame was my crazy hormones.

Then The Man found me at the lake, having some fresh air, held me while I sobbed over nothing, told me he feels sad & helpless when I lose my shit and kindly gave me his booking for his massage tomorrow. Which all made me cry harder.

So we’re putting things in place to combat it. I’ve explained that when I say nothing is wrong, that nothing in particular is wrong; it’s more that every little tiny thing is wrong. And he now knows to be patient with me and accept that sometimes there actually isn’t a problem but there is a need to be held.

Some people call these ‘PMDD Episodes’ and I can see why. Now, this afternoon, apart from a headache from crying I’m feeling back on top of the world. I’m feeling loved, valued, nurtured. 

I am a very lucky lady to have someone so patient in my life & goddamn I’m looking forward to that massage!!!!

Cherry Popped

Well, a domestic early Sunday morning about Sporty Spicey wanting to see The Man for a while (& me considering it to be ‘our’ weekend, as he goes there every second weekend) Turned into a real positive when I suggested in a moment of madness that we should all get together and hang out.

So, hours later, she was sitting in our lounge, with hardly any time to consider, hardly any time to get nervous, hardly any time to overthink and over analyse. When I knew she was there, I was out picking up the kids and then we brought some chewing gum and had bubble blowing competitions on the side of the road in the car for about 15 minutes as I tried to calm my nerves.

But all went well, she was engaging, she was polite. She appeared to be hiding nervousness, and so was I, so we got on as we were both on the same level.

Our Poly relationship is all she knows. She didn’t know us as a manog couple, so us living this lifestyle is her ‘normal’. It was my effort to ensure that I lived this, and with her just thinking that, it empowered me to actually live it, to acknowledge it, and to be it.

Cruised out to the West Coast and watched the sun go down with the kids, she sat in the front with me and we chatted, somewhat a difficult task when one is a little shy and quiet and we’re driving a 40 year old VW Kombi that is noisy, smelly and has enough holes in it to feel the breeze in your hair even though you are inside.

On the way home, The Man & Her sat in the front & he drove, and I snuggled with the kids in the back, reflecting on a nice afternoon, reflecting on how this is all working out.

I don’t know how much she will want to have to do with us as a family, I don’t know if she just wants time with The Man on his own. I tried not to come across as the predatory other partner, grooming for a threesome as well. I tried to make my role just as The Mans partner, not looking for anything in her, but admittedly she is stunningly pretty, and natural at her style and grace.

But whatever it is, I’m comfortable with it, as she is, and comfort is infectious.

Sometimes I have to dig deep to think of joyous things to write.

But the cathartic thing is I look and search for them, and find them, and write about them, and feel 100% better with bringing that thought to the forefront.

Happiness

The Man and I have agreed to him spending a couple of nights away with Sporty Spice next weekend. It’s the start of the school holidays and do I’ve booked the kids and I into a holiday park that has hot pools for 4 nights. 

So there won’t be any awkward ‘welcome home’ with me strung out and tired from having the kids on my own all weekend, it’ll be nice. I won’t be sitting around all weekend doing chores on my own, I’ll be exploring new and exciting places and indulging in the wonder and curiosity of our beautiful children.

I’m excited, he’s excited, the kids are excited. This is flowing so so well 🙂

Small things

Its the small, subconscious changes that make a difference to me. 

I’ve changed my password on my phone to ‘happy’ do each time I use it I have to type it in. And I have discovered, like playing the Ukuele, you cannot be unhappy when typing in the word happy.

And I look at my phone a lot! 

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!